Mirage
by violadragon
Summary: Seeing something does not guarantee its existence. A confession by Bones. Oneshot. Mentions of slight slash. Rated to be safe.


**Of course, characters do not belong to me. The first fanfic of Star Trek I've written, because the movie got me into TOS. Also my first fanfic put up here. I thought it fit more into this category than the one for the movie. After all, I see these two as they are in TOS. A mere confession of Bones, if he ever felt this way. Mentions of slash? T to be safe. A simple oneshot. Enjoy.**

Mirage

"Good evening, Mr. Spock," Bones drawled in a low, gravelly southern lilt as the "Vulcan" entered the deserted sickbay. The _half_-Vulcan. "What brings _you_ here?"

"Doctor, the captain had sent me here to ask why you had ignored each of his incoming messages," Spock announced, a brow raised. He had smelled the alcohol saturating the room well before entering, and it didn't take the obvious bottles of scattered liquor, or the doctor's loosened accent, to confirm his arising suspicions. "But as I see now, no answer is required."

"Come on now, Spock. I have a perfectly _logical_ reason for this," Bones assured with a half-smile, gesturing to the entire sickbay, then to himself.

"I assume it is to remedy any of your human emotions that you have found yourself unable to overcome," Spock supplied, adding, "as usual."

"Of course…after all, a _Vulcan_, of _all_ people, would understand," the doctor remarked, bitterly sarcastic. "Of _course_ I was trying to overcome my emotions…why _wouldn't_ I want to be like you?" he breathed, aware that Spock could still hear.

"As I see you are in such an illogical condition, I will return –"

"_Illogical_ condition? This is the most _logical_ you'll ever see me," Bones corrected, sighing and rubbing his temples. "The truth is _always_ logical, isn't it?...even though it sometimes seems like the most illogical thing you've ever heard…"

"Doctor, I fail to understand what –"

"Of course you don't understand…you never would," McCoy growled, pausing to take a drink from a nearby bottle. He groaned as if in pain before continuing, his accent thickening. "You would _never_ understand the feelings…and _this_ only makes it worse…but for the few seconds it makes you forget, it's almost worth it."

"I seem to be unaware of what illogical 'feelings' you are addressing, doctor," Spock reminded him with no more than a twitch of a slanted brow. He was certain that the doctor's irrelevant rant was entirely due to his intoxication, but even knowing that, he could not help feeling…fascinated over the display of emotion.

"…the feelings for you," Bones whispered, sorrow glistening in his eyes and etched years-deep into his face. "They've always been…for you."

For a moment, Spock could not find the words with which to respond. He averted his gaze to the floor and collected his startled thoughts.

"I'm sure this is all due to your illogical state, doctor."

"You don't believe me? You think I'd actually tell you this _sober_?" the doctor chuckled half-heartedly in defeat. "Then check my mind," he suggested, staggering from the chair and using the desk to support him as he swayed. "I've got nothing to hide."

As Spock could find no logical response, he merely obeyed McCoy's request and approached him, drawn by a fascinated anticipation. To avoid any further conversation, the Vulcan wasted no time in steadying the doctor with one hand on his forearm and initiating the mind-meld with the other, lightly placing each finger strategically and cautiously upon his skin.

What Spock felt was nearly unlike anything he'd ever felt before. His mind was drowning in a violent ocean of unbridled sorrow and was being stripped of its logic. Though wary, the Vulcan probed deeper into the doctor's mind to locate the source of the storm of his anguish. Beneath the years of self-pity, self-hatred and grief, there lay a single essence, shining dimly through the black waves of the ocean.

An emotion Spock could only identify as love.

Love as he had heard and seen, but never felt. Never to feel.

With a gasp, the Vulcan severed the bond between their minds and looked away, breathing rapidly. What startled him greatly was the fact that such an encounter would have rendered him crying, if he were any more human. Spock glanced at Bones from the corner of his eye, noting no difference in his appearance. How he was not weeping, the Vulcan did not understand.

"Well, doctor, I must admit that your 'feelings' are quite illogical and entirely one-sided. If you will excuse me, for I must return to the bridge."

With that, Spock exited the sickbay and left the doctor silent and alone, as before. And as before, he sank back into his chair, succumbing to his grief.

Bones drank more than he ever had that night. More than he ever would.

**Interpret as you wish...thanks for reading.**


End file.
